Anna-Marie With Her Shotgun -- Part Twenty Four -- Hemato-Tomato -- My Head My Dear

It was like a ghost town, with almost everyone inside, to hide away from the vampires. But the only one I knew, curled her finger as if it to call me. I walked forth, with hesitation, with my guillotine The loaded. But when I got within range, she ran off. Behind me I could here the sound of growling, and it sounded like some sort of freed animal, much like a being in a laboratory breaking down the door to eat a person.

It tried to bounce on me, and I tried firing the blade at its neck.

But I missed. Instead, I heard the sound of a shot gun. The silhouette of Anna-Marie firing her weapon from beyond the grave. I flinched, something that had become something of a habit. The animal died quickly. I looked closer, in the alley way. It looked to be one of the law enforcement's special modified canines, merged with decades of wolf genes, into something more muscular, and much more fierce.

I grabbed my guillotine gun, and aimed.

I put it out of its misery. The sound of yelps coming in the distance. I could here sound of cybernetic enhanced police robots. Quickly, I had behind a dumpster, as one of them checks to see what happened. The robot then goes back to look for more wrong doers. The decapitated body of Anna-Marie nailed me to the wall.

"Hey Hemato, I need my head back." she said.

I grabbed her severed head outside of my fanny pack. It was one of those hyper stretchy bags that I could fit almost anything inside of it.

"I thought you were dead?" I asked.

"I'm still dead, my dear." she said.

Then disappeared.

posted by JustSarah @ 22nd Sep 2018, 11:48 PM


Anna-Marie With Her Shotgun -- Part Twenty Three -- Hemato-Tomato -- Memories Of Lost Children

I would get constant erections from blond girls with cat eye glasses, getting it in the neck from a guillotine gun. Shot with a paralyzing agent, I shot the blade as quickly as I could, to minimize the amount of pain that my vampires would experience. Because unlike these monsters, I actually had concern for their well being. Even if that meant putting their heads on a wooden stick, sticking it in the ground, and watch as others paraded it around town. But in my minds eye, there heads would roll in my lap.

I would remembers the sweet angels scream.

And I would feel like ending it all. Anna-Marie never did anything to be beheaded for, and yet I had let my father kill her, and there was still a part of me that could not forgive myself for her death. Even if in the legal sense it was not my fault. There were hints, in my early years, that I may become like this. But I didn't want this to be my destiny.

I was a shell without my soul.

I wanted to be under the knife.

When you attempt suicide, some people assume the world will stop for you. The reality is, when you're lying down, bloody on the floor, there is a part of you that wanted to die more quickly, so it's basically a non issue. Instead one lingers, inside of the dirty floor of a motel room, with your hand reaching out ... searching for someone to take you to the hospital. But being treated as essentially a non person.

Ultimately, I began to make peace with the idea that I would eventually bleed to death. Made peace with the fact that I would never see Anna-Marie again, and simply make my death more comfortable. But I was dizzy and tired, and I couldn't stand up straight. I had not cut my own head off, but injured myself. I needed a bandage, but I was several miles from the hospital. Hope fading nightly, lying on the floor. And yet in the darkness, was the spirit of Anna-Marie, who reached out a hand guided me into the light.

But as I walked outside, there was nobody there.

There was only the sound of my own inner madness.

For my lost Anna-Marie.

 

It was eighth grade I started developing my other interest in other girls. Birkenstock Boston Clogs had developed something of a cult status, since two thousand and three. One girl who wore them, who was not Anna-Marie, would always be wearing these with long light gray socks. Yet she dressed like a soccer player, and would always flirt with me. We had known each other since fifth grade, when she was a lot more shy. Apparently, over the last few years up to that point, she had either developed a crush on me, or mastered the art of being so sarcastic, it wasn't really clear whether she was being sarcastic.

In her early years, she had long curly blond hair. You could say she was my proto-Anna-Marie. But she would dress in a way that was decidedly more formal than the rest of the girls in my class period. There was also Bianca, who was almost entirely the opposite. Both of them would grow into a kind of bizarre jealousy I had try to hide, and never really addressed. But Sara, without the H, would always dress her best, for any occasion. I took it as somewhat of a shock that she would dress as someone athletic, as it was never something that I had expected out of her. But then again, there was a lot inside me I had hidden from the world as well. Such as my interest in decapitation, and the flowing of gentle blood on the fingertips.

Combine with meeting the Spanish girl, I had the preconditions for not particularly caring for girls who were either overly blond haired, or overly black haired. Bianca had a father whom came from Southern Spain, so she was closer to Spanish than she was Americana. For me, Livier was almost perfection, but I was unsure how to take her personality at the time. Part of my skepticism was whether Livier, if I ever met again, whether she would continue to accept me despite my conditions, that's condition in the plural. Because I was both trans, and liked the flow of severed necks, and rolling the tongue upon luscious fictional cheeks, from some pulp dime novel imported from Mexico. But for the time being, I admired her innocence.

It was something I never had.

Yet here I am now, hunting vampires, on the edge of sanity. I found myself outside of a ruined building. There was an anonymous burial put, where different abandoned broken toys went before they were cremated in a giant factory urn, melted down, to be used to make more toys, for not disillusioned children.

I heard a voice calling me in the smoke filled sky.

It was the laughing of children. And a Silhouette, Anna-Maire. Who stuck out like a sore thumb. Her ghost of another time, always a step ahead of me. She would pointed her skeletal fingers at me, calling my name.

And it's impossible to resist.

She beckons me.

posted by JustSarah @ 22nd Sep 2018, 9:51 PM


Anna-Marie With Her Shotgun -- Part Twenty Two -- Hemato-Tomato -- Ero Guro Latte Machine

Previously, in an extra measure to extend the suffering of those sentenced to decapitation by guillotine, when France had taken control of the once United States, they had created a special kind of guillotine prior to the invention of the Guillotine Gun. This method of decapitation, had special rests for the arms, such that, prior to the victim being beheaded, they would drive blunt screws into their wrists, much in the same way back in the middle ages, torturers would use thumb screws to extra confessions. This was generally used for specific political crimes, such as those involving espionage and information gathering from rival American states. Even if the guillotined continued to be relatively quick, the executioner would delay their execution as long as possible in order to make the ordeal as painful as possible to extract the most information. The only reason Anna-Marie never underwent this, was do to the grace of being female.

Receiving special treatment on account of being female, is hardly a unique thing for the Twenty First century; during the middle ages women were generally burnt at the stake, rather than drawn and quartered for this very reason. Often, in cases where sentences were commuted, this would mean that women would most frequently be commuted to merely being beheaded, back when drawing and quartering was on the book. When it came to around the long nineteenth century, women continued to get largely preferential treatment. This continued into the great war era, when France would commute most women's sentences to life in prison, while the men were still, in some cases, even publicly beheaded by guillotine. This meant that, up until the Vicci era, women were largely immune from having their heads taken off.

This changed when Marine La Pen became La Presidente, when The Far Right wing began to take control of the French government. She had initially lost in 2017, but ran took control of France in a Coup, leaving much of the Left Wing establishment in shambles. She undid much of the Pro LGBT legislation that was on the books, resulting in many Gay, Lesbian, and Trans women sent to similar containment camps as Muslim people, as they would often fight against the treatment of such people. The old slang term for French People was Frog; Marine La Pen was a gigantic demonic toad, whose ice cold blood could cut through you like a stone. Such was the reason the Anna-Marie was glad that her family had moved from France when they did; she was never sure how to tell her family that she was into girls.

My case was equally tricky; for many years I had mostly considered myself into women, but recently I had become more open about being into guys, resulting in considerable confusion as a trans woman about the kind of people I was into. And by this point, though it was often treated as a way of being anti-French, I was more against the practices of the French death penalty, although technically I was against capital punishment everywhere. So it made my already frazzled personality worse, as I was unsure of whom I could trust to communicate my real feelings; especially when I knew that in reality, I loved French girls more than anyone else. I tried hiding this by trying to find Dutch women to date, and I still like them very much, but to many there was something about the light olive skin tone, and lemon juice dyed hair, and the gentle shapes of their tender throats, as I wanted to gently bite into their soft juicy necks.

Anna-Marie used to wonder if I'd bite her in the neck. Instead the blade of the Dreadful Climb did. Spraying her blood into the wooden basket.

And leaving me alone to my thoughts.

 

"Oh hey Anna-Marie, what's up?" I asked. I remembered the first time that was had dated.

"I told you not to let your mind wander around me." said she. She hopped on top of my on the floor of my room when my mom wasn't home, all my worries fading away as if they were merely nothing to be concerned about. "I can't date someone who likes dead girls." She noticed the look of horror on my face. "Sorry, I'm just kidding."

I didn't like dead girls, what I liked was blood. Not sure what this girl's issue was, who sounded like she came from the hood. But I knew that she would always be there for me, or at least I had hoped. Because she was my Anna-Marie.

My Anna-Marie, who was always there.

To set my soul free.

In high school I would visit the ero guro latte machine, purchasing a copy of gorno anime along with a nice cup of vanilla hot latte. Ero Guro was a literary genre that came out of Japan, the original idea being the "beauty in the ugly." But had gradually came to mind the fertilization of mutilation and other graphic content. But for me, I didn't care for the disembowelment, for a multitude of differing factors. But the main one was that generally I only liked severed necks, and the blood that would gush out of them.

Anna-Marie would never say anything, but it was a topic that we always tended to avoid. We would talk about other things, like the most current movie we watched on a Saturday night, such as Another Man, Another Chance. I never liked westerns growing up, but made a special exception for French girls.

Yet inside, there was a darker reason.

Something that I had kept from the innocence of the world. I would fantasize about ordering a side of severed French girl's head, recline with it on the bed. And dream dreams of sweet little angels screaming, before their heads drop. Yet the Ero Guro latte machine, would always be a whirring, when my old man was stirring. And I knew, despite the darkest nature of my myself, that I wanted to protect my girl from my dad.

The girl as by Annabelle Lee.

And those seraphs I would I beheaded on a guillotine, would visit me in dreams, and give me sweet teddy bears, as a form of peace offering, as wedding gift between me and my Anna-Marie. It was then that I had decided, against all the loss of my hope.

That we were married in death.

posted by JustSarah @ 22nd Sep 2018, 9:49 PM


Anna-Marie With Her Shotgun -- Part Twenty -- Hemato-Tomato -- A Rose In Her Hair

Anna-Marie's severed head was not traditionally beautiful.

She had very long curly blond locks, with a flower in her hair. At times I think I see life in her eyes, and yet I can never be certain. Is that what a severed head looks like? I thought, because it was far more beautiful, and yet more tragic than I ever imagined. When I stared into her face, seeking comfort and love, I thought of the times that we could have had together. At times I do her make up for her, even though I've never been good at putting it on myself. God damn, do I miss her. I miss everything about her.

And yet now, she is here with me always.

You might be surprised how easy it is to hide a person's severed head. Especially if the state already considers them to be dead. To think that I could finally fulfill my desire, and yet this desire feels so empty and sad. There are times when I wonder, quietly, as i write notes to my publisher, why it is I chose to waste my life. There was a time when I had wanted to go horse back riding with her, but we lived in a time when there was no more need for the chevaul. When I was hiding from my parents, I visited the lack that we used to spend together, and I would keep her severed head besides me, hoping that there would be something that could bring her back. I brought my favorite sub sandwiches, but I could not be genial to a severed head.

Is this the point that we all come to?

When I've seen the dead.

 

For a long time I had considered myself without deserve of love. Even when I tried to write middle grade stories, I would have them wear two little wooden shoes and a cotton cap, really more resembling the stereotype of the Dutch rather than the French, although the French had their own version of the wooden clog. But the kinks in my bloodstream kept a flowing, while the cold wind of my dead Anna-Marie was blowing, the ghost of my former girlfriend, and whom I had would someday be my wife.

I had researched that the Dutch used hanging as the traditional method of execution, au contraire to how the French would most typically decapitate you by guillotine after the year 1793, which continued to be used until 1978, only being formally banned around 1981, just eight year prior to my birthday. Holland also some of the best policies for trans women, while France continued to suffer issues related to beating up homosexual men, and issues related to birth certificates for trans women. You might think it would have been an easy choice to choose which country to move to, especially when in the lore of one the French novels, the leading lady would have rather have been hung, than dating the person that crushed on her.

But Anna-Marie was no Esmeralda, contrary to my expectation, but her little bare feet were just as pleasingly plump and wrinkle free. Whose long blond curly locks fall just below her back, couple with a habit of braiding her hair, as a way of choosing not to wear the ridiculously large bows girls from this immigrant culture wore on formal occasions. We had met when my dad still insisted on taking my to church, despite my special brand of atheism. But I wasn't much like other Atheists, with memories of other lives I couldn't explain.

And there in the darkness, was Anna-Marie.

Who, despite my knowing no French, took a chance of me. But for me, I was so stuck inside of myself, that I couldn't see the obvious.

Now I wish to set my soul free.

posted by JustSarah @ 22nd Sep 2018, 9:46 PM


Anna-Marie With Her Shotgun -- Part Nineteen -- A Sense Of Hate And Despair

 

If I could describe myself, it is something similar to the offspring of Elizabeth Bathory crossed over with Camilla. I didn't use to think I could date a girl outside the web. Given the nature of my condition, for loving women with their heads cut off, their heads rolling into a wicker basket, you might not think I'd love a girl outside of Le Guillotine Familla. I live just a few yards into the twenty first century, and I can still here the screams of women pleading for their lives in the various revolutions of France.

And yet the idea of a girl, whose head would be on a metal slab in the mortuary, was never something I'd think would bother me before. I spent so many nights and days after school masturbating to severed necks, the flow of blueish fluid gradually becoming as dark as a crimson sky, the flow of Flamenco on the piano, to sinister rhymes. Yet the song of the lost children, played in deranged melodies, the song of madness; the song of decay; the song of the damned. The song of a girl crying, while holding the severed head of her once true love. It was with this, that I had made my decision. That I could keep her severed head, and treat her as one of my own children, and run as far away from town as I could.

But the real world was a no man's land, a land where secret police stalk the street. A world where girls wore wooden shoes on their feet, for lack of stores that could sell normal foot ware at a decent price. This was a land of giant cock roaches, the return of hair lice. The return of the old classes in earlier centuries.

I wanted my world to end.

Yet I wanted to end my life on my own terms. I wanted to finish the obligations that I had left as a fiction writer, even if it was only a few autobiographical shorts. But there were some autobiographical facts that people almost never share. A world with no self-realization. That there is a part of us, just like Dracula and Carmilla:

 

Where the new Bastille was rising,

The land of total uprisings.

A land of dirt and decay.

The dead is arising.

And there is no bread to share.

 

I grew a total resentment for the mortal life; the life of crawling into ones own inner cave. A cave where only the good die young, the bandits die younger. And those in between are tossed into a hell in between. I wanted some vague nation, of a distant love beyond masturbation lotion. A girl I could travel Europe with, leave the United States behind. And travel her old country of Alsace. Where the flowers were always blooming, even if it were not the land of the University Of Flowers. Ride on airships and and hot air balloons. And think of soft fluffy teddy bears.

I wanted my life to be beyond anything I ever known.

Anything, but this sense of hate.

posted by JustSarah @ 22nd Sep 2018, 9:43 PM